Suicide

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Today I want to talk about suicide we all know someone or have been close to someone who has committed suicide, for me it was a personal tragedy, someone who not only I deeply loved but who was my safe space ( I don’t have a place that is my safe space I had a person ) this person knew all about my past all the crap I had been thru all the trials and tragedies I had experienced, this person knew me inside and out there wasn’t anything about me he didn’t know. Two years ago he took his own life there wasn’t actually any warning he normally has tells he does certain things before he contemplates taking his life, his depression was a big issue, along with him hating himself, but this time there were no tells it wasn’t like every other time this time he had made a plan he packaged all his things he left notes and letters and had this all sorted months before he took his life, the hardest part for me was knowing I had lost someone who meant a lot to me but also knowing I lost my safe space, I didn’t need him all the time just when things got overwhelming, when things like what happened last year is when I needed him 😔 but knowing he wasn’t there last year to help me to tell me that no matter what everything was going to be okay, to just make me feel safe is what the hardest part was, when I was with him the whole world could end and I wouldn’t care cos I felt completely safe, I still have the things he has given me over the years, we once dated but worked out we were better as friends, he is who I base all my relationships on ( it’s probably why I am single 😂) .

Suicide seems to be the number one killer in people in NZ more people will die from suicide than anything else, the help and the facilities that are needed to help people just aren’t there. We don’t have enough mental health workers or enough rooms or facilities for the people who so desperately need it, they are given some meds and basically left to figure shit out by themselves, even tho I never experienced any serious form of mental health issue, my best friend and safe space was someone who did and I did everything in my power to learn about it, to understand him so I could help him when he went thru down times, he may have been my safe space but he knew he could come to me no matter what – but him taking his life I felt like I had let him down, I felt like he chose not to come to me cos was in a relationship – when he died I pushed everyone away I didn’t tell the guy I was dating I just went numb, I can’t explain who this person is to people I date they don’t get it, my safe space and the person’s identity was for me only not for everyone else to know. Since his death I have dealt with it I have accepted it, I still celebrate his birthday even though he’s not here on earth he’s in heaven where I hope he is happy and healthy  and learning to love himself the way I did. I survived what I went through last year cos I am a fighter and cos my safe space he taught me how to cope I now see that all the things he taught me were cos he knew he wasn't always going to be around for me and I would need to learn how to survive some pretty traumatic stress on my own, one thing I did appreciate was I have learnt can do things and survive and my son has a stronger mother because of this. Though for now I am okay but I am on the hunt for a new safe space this time it is actually going to have to a place cos I can’t lose another person or another safe space to suicide or any tragedy.

For those that have experienced the lose of someone I feel your pain, there is a way thru and if we can help others by being more understanding and more open then the world will be a better place they won’t find the world so dark so unforgiving so sad that they don’t want to be here anymore. I mentioned in my last post that I do bookmarks for the school I also have been making the cards up top they are placed on car windows, I give a bunch to the school to give to kids they believe really need them, our kids are our future they shouldn’t be feeling like they don’t belong they aren’t good enough and they shouldn’t be committing suicide cos they can’t find a way out of the darkness and depression they are feeling.

Take cares everyone be aware of those around you and help those you can, there are many help lines and resources available to help talk to kids and adults who are feeling suicidal please share these with everyone suicide isn’t the answer it leaves questions and guilt for those that are left behind, if you are feeling this way find someone you trust and tell them I can guarantee they will do everything in their power to help you.

Helplines available in NZ

Lifeline 0800543354

Or free txt 4357

Youthline 080037663

Or free txt 234

Need to talk? Free call or txt 1737 anytime

Suicide crisis helpline 0508 828 865

Healthline 0800 611 116

 Samaritans 0800 726 666

Depression Helpline 0800 111 757

What’s up (for kids 5-18) 0800 942 8787

 

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