Cancer what a bitch of a disease.

 

Cancer what a bitch of a disease.

My adoptive dad has been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor just below his bladder it came about when he went to the hospital for a very sore back and the tumour was discovered my adoptive Dad is 84/85 yrs old and has never had any kind of serious illness like this or disease like this before he recently retired off our farm which is a massive farm. It's a sheep and beef farm but when I was young til I left home at 19 it was just a sheep farm. When your a farm kid not only do you have chores but you learn to drive at a young age cos you all help on the farm that's just expected and part of farm life. It was at home where I learnt how-to grow and make a veggie garden how to look after fruit trees and make an orchard and to grow actual flowers ( mainly resilient ones cos I tend to forget about them 😆) also I learnt how to fix cars , trucks, 3 and 4 wheelers, tractors and lawnmowers we had alot of lawn it would take one person either 3 hours by themselves or cos we had 3 lawn mowers 3 people one hour so yeah I grew up in a place that had a vast outdoor area. Also I learnt alot about horses not only cos I went to pony club and stuff but cos I had a horse went on horse camps and participated in horse events won a lot of prizes. Also the horse was used to go around the farm as there are places you just can't get a vehicle around to, especially on the sides of steep hills. I grew up in a little place called Mimihau - just up the road from Wyndham In Southland. I went to mimihau primary school it had about 20 maybe 30 kids from new entrants to standard 4 (which is like years 0-6 ) it was a very rural school - i went to high school at menzies college in Wyndham from form 1-7 ( years 7-13) we had 410 kids at the school uniform was one uniform all the way thru 😆 ( I never really wore much of the uniform I always added extras like tights and pants and a warmer thicker jersey in winter - it snows down there so there were times we didn't go to school cos the bus couldn't get you the hill 😎 snow days are great but also you still have farm work to do when it snows like shifting breaks and feeding out hay. 

My dad worked literally everyday we did have holidays i think 2-3 weeks per year but running a farm is a full time every part of the day and night time job. 

My adoptive mother died in 2021 I think ( sorry my memory is abit rusty ever since I knocked myself out last year 😑🤦‍♀️) she was found to have an inoperable brain tumor from when she was diagnosed to when she died was about 6 weeks I was told after the fact as my adoptive sister doesnt like me ( no skin off my nose she bullied me all the way thru high school making sure everyone knew I was a foster kid 🙄) recently she contacted me about my dad but I have been staying in contact with him thru emails cos she has proven to me why I can't trust her even thro I have given her every chance - every message I was sending her via messenger she was sending to someone else, ( probably some gossiping group which to be honest if someone wants to know shit about me they can fuckin ask not go thru other people) so I have stopped talking to her there is no point when everything i say ends up going to other people- its immature as fuck. Especially since she claims to be a Christian i hold people who say they are in a different category and expect better behavior from them at least some form of respect should be given not abused 😑. It's why I don't tell her anything about my life i dont nedd my personal and private health issues in some fuckin gossip group. 😎🤦‍♀️.

My dad is currently going thru chemotherapy  i know exactly what that is like I have done it twice  ( as in 2 lots of it) and radiation once I have a virus in my blood that creates cancer - its currently not trying to kill me at present - ever since I got the covid jab my virus has settled the fuck down - its still there but its not trying to knock me off 😆, I am however terrified of ever getting another jab incase it wakes the fucker back up and it goes on another killing rampage. At the moment i am going thru severe side effects from all the 84 throat operations I have had in the past 15yrs. 

I am having balloon stretching of my throat due to the tube and operations I have narrowing of the esophagus ( its so narrow my pills get stuck in my throat causing me to automatically throw up ) i have had one stretching down there was a mild complication and I died on the table ( I'm fine felt like shit for a couple of hours and got a severe migraine so they gave me liquid tramadol for that ( I get tramadol for migraines cos its the only thing I can tolerate my body rejects alot of meds) I am due for another throat stretching this year well probably happen in September since that will be the earliest the hospital can book me in gone are the days when she would book me in and it wiild happen in 4 months now its 6-8 months at the earliest 🤦‍♀️😑, which makes me fell sorry for everyone who is waiting on operations for anything or Cancer treatments cos unless it close to super serious the wait can range from 8months to 3 yrs 😑 by then some people will be dead . Smaller cities seem to have a longer waiting time so they can end up waiting up to 5yrs. Our health system needs a major overhaul that's for sure. 

So I am going to see my dad in april taking my son hes now 17.5 yrs old in his final year of high school and next year its off to tourism school and flight training. My sister ( cousin) Tina  is coming over from Perth to come with me we are also going on a southern road trip thru Southland, fiordland, and central otago. So that will be fun. Tine is the closest birth family member I have I dont have anyone else - shes also the most honest person and that is why I trust her completely. She's the sister I needed when I was growing up the person I could talk to that truly understood me. 

As an adult I have little to no contact with my birth family my mother dumped me in an orphanage ( Karitane home was run by nuns) when I was 2 was farmed out to a variety of different people who after a couple of days or weeks would bring us back 😐( just makes kids feel not wanted and we learnt from those experiences - i stayed stand-offish my whole childhood cos I learnt that the people I should have been able to trust to protect me were not going to do that I raised myself with my own morals and standards). 

I am not super close with my adoptive family I am closer to other foster kids that I went to school with or kids that were rejected because of who they were my closest sister is Justine ( we have the same last name but we arent related ) she was a foster kid and I bonded with her and my best friend I met him when I was in primary school - hes gay and back then that wasn't something that was okay to ever admit so I felt I had to protect him - when a child has been damaged in their life they grow up and go ot to protect everyone else so these people never feel like they are alone. Or that no one is there. I recently retired from working as a volunteer at the women's refuge some of the shit I have seen over the 8yrs makes me wonder how these so called men without claim to love these women can still be breathing without feeling like complete arseholes. The worse thing I ever witnessed was a woman who was partially scalped by the man who claimed that he loved her ( what the fuck  😤) shes safe has a new life a new name and is now in a healthy relationship the side effects from the damages he gave her she has seizures not alot but like once a month some can be quite scary but she has a great partner and a good doctor. 

But as for cancer it can just go fuck itself honestly the amount of people who have lived good hard working lives and have been good people that are dying from it just sucks . 

So for now I am just hoping my dad's chemotherapy works I would like him to live another 10yrs he deserves to have a long retirement not retire from the farm and then literally die months later that is not cool. Take cares people and will do more blogging later in after I see my dad ( will do an update then as well ) 

Peace out 😎 Cat.